just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
