Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
