everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my being single is dangerous.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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