i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
