Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
