Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
