I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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