in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He felt like a one man threesome
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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