I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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