i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
