dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
