Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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