apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
