You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
