apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Green mimosas i think yes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
