just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
