I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
