hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
