Your face is a jimmy john
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So squirting runs in the family.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
