whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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