My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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