I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
