im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
