I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
