i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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