i just google imaged poop.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
