I want to walk on stilts...naked
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
