nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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