I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
