hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
