Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
