Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
