There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
