I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
