I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
