I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
