if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
