Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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