He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
