Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
