Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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