I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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