These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
