You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
