i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
