At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
