I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
