Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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