hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
