Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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