you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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