I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
