scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
