I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
