Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Is it penis luge time yet?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize