just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
