Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's never too late to be topless.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
