Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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