i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
