She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
