I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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