Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
