she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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