I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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