Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
