You're my little dorito
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
