Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
