Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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