That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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