In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
