my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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