i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
