mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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