so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
