i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
