it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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