Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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