I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
