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I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
