We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm eating all of the evidence.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
