Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
