it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
