its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
